After 16 days of being sick I am finally on the mend. Wow was that a test for me. Ordinarily when I get sick (I also live with a chronic illness so sick days are not unusual for me), I find myself falling into a downward cycle. I get into my head and the inner voice turns negative real fast. My sick days are not just spent taking care of my physical health but my mental health also requires a lot attention.
When I finally feel better and I am able to function as normal (normal for me), I pressure myself to catch up. I spend the immediate days after sickness in a rush to accomplish it all–take my daughter out, catch up on my business, socialize, clean the house. But this time has been drastically different. The sick days were spent healing. My mom and dad came over to help with child care and I rested. No self talk. Just rest. When friends offered Starbucks I accepted. When hubby offered to do our daughter’s bedtime, I said yes. When that voice popped up in my head trying to convince me that I wasn’t doing enough, I was intimately aware of her, but then I made the choice to let her chatter go. And guess what? I got better. Probably a lot quicker then if I had let the weight of my mind take me down too.
And today when I found myself with a few hours without my daughter, I took myself out for lunch. I literally have not done this since before she was born. And it was heaven. Why was it so amazing? Because my inner voice didn’t convince me I needed to be doing anything else. I was hungry and craving sushi, so I went and had lunch. I could have filled my time with errands or work obligations but I gave myself a break. And that was exactly what I needed.
My inner voice will always be there but I am learning to be aware of her and learning to let her go when she is not serving me. It may have been a small step to some, but for me today was a huge win. To anyone who is struggling with that little inner voice, I give you permission to take a break from her—you deserve it. And she does too.