To You, the mom who feels alone in her worry/fear/grief/anxiety:
YOU ARE SAFE HERE.
Last night I went for an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging). I am extremely claustrophobic so anyone who knows what an MRI entails, can probably guess that I was a bit anxious.
Even though I have had a few MRI’s in the past, last night I was even more nervous.
I tried my normal calming techniques: mantras, focusing on my breath, going inward…
But these just weren’t cutting it this time.
Regardless, I put on my brave face and went with the rituals of the procedure.
As the machine was buzzing loudly beneath and above my body, I could feel the anxiety bubbling up. My thoughts started to spiral:
“I will be stuck in here”
“I will have an adverse reaction to the contrast they are injecting”
“The results are going to be negative”
“Something is defintely going wrong”
I couldn’t stop the thoughts from flooding over me. The negative spiral of thoughts manifested into physical sensations. Suddenly my hands were tingling, my breath was short and my heart was racing.
“Oh my God. I need to get out of here”
I pressed the “panic” button quickly and I felt the machine release me from its “grip”.
The technician came in and asked what happened.
I opened my mouth and every catastrophic thought spilled out into the space between us.
When I was finally done speaking, I looked up at the technician expecting a horrified look on his face, but instead, he calmly put his hand on mine and said:
“I know you are scared”
His words came out without judgement. Nothing I had “confessed” had shocked him.
He then said “I had a stroke last year, and have been in both of these machines. I can understand how scary it is. You are not alone”
He then took another 5 minutes to address some of my concerns. He didn’t once judge me or make me feel like I was being unreasonable.
Finally he said “So would you like to continue?”
Without any doubt, I replied “Yes”
When the machine once again turned on, I felt completely calm in my body. It was as if a huge weight had been released.
I no longer felt “stuck” in the belly of the machine but rather nurtured in its care.
My thoughts had shifted drastically and all I kept thinking was:
“I am safe here”
I have never had such a profound shift from extreme anxiety to trust like that before; particularly with someone I had just met.
It was such a powerful experience to be seen and heard for exactly who I was in the moment.
As I left the hospital I was just in awe of the experience.
I still get goosebumps thinking about it; how powerful it is to have someone listen to and hold your fears without judgement.
To be in a space so safe that you can literally feel your emotions and thoughts shift.
This is what I believe I provide my clients. If you are a mom who has previously lost a baby and who is stuck in the grips of worry/fear/grief/anxiety, please know that you are safe here.
In my space, I will hold your biggest doubts and catastrophic thoughts so that you can let go and begin to shift into trust.
I realize that this isn’t always easy and doesn’t happen quickly, but I promise you:
You are safe here.
Contact me to begin your shift.
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- Episode 11 with Erica M Mcafee
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- Learning to Trust After Loss
This article originally appeared in Birthing Magazine (Summary/Fall 2014). To download the original article as a PDF, click here. The entire article has been provided below for your reading: NOTE TO READERS: THIS STORY DISCUSSES INFANT LOSS In the evening of October 2, 2012, I went into labour. My contractions were light in the […][read more]
- We Are Mothers – A Visual Project showing Connection
I am honoured to have been a part of this project. The visual project shows the power in connection and in sharing our stories. Having other women who can relate to your experience of loss is truly healing. Each story that was shared and each tear that was shed connected us. It was a deep reminder that.We are not alone. And no matter...[read more]