“This is MY motherhood” has become my new mantra. Let me tell you why.
Years ago, when I envisioned becoming a mother, the vision was perfect.
Nowhere in my imgination would there have been loss, fertility struggles, anxiety or self doubt.
Today, I can tell you that my past vision versus my current reality is quite different.
I never imagined my first experience of motherhood to be of loss.
I never imagined having a c-section or struggles breastfeeding…so much so that I would spend countless hours obsessively ruminating in how my body had “failed”.
I never imagined that when I found out I was having a girl, my now 4.5 year old daughter wouldn’t own a single dress or doll. That she would prefer dinosaurs over princesses.
You see, I had all these visions of what I thought my life “should” look like;
all of the “shoulds” made it hard for me to see that my life was (and is) unfolding exactly how it is meant to.
Though my first experience of motherhood was of loss–I have GAINED a fierce and resilient tribe of women who continually hold each other up.
And yes, I have doubted my bodies abilities, but my body continues to show me how strong she really is daily. And wow, is she ever strong!
And though my rainbow girl is different than my narrow and stereotypical vision–
she has far more depth and wisdom than I could ever know; far beyond any label.
My reality has taught me so much. I have grown as a woman, a mother, and coach.
And it is within my reality that I have realized just how amazing my motherhood actually is.
My motherhood may be very different than what I had thought it would be.
It may even be very different than what I see in others,
but it is mine.
And that is what makes it perfect.
There are days where I still struggle and my mind is flooded with all of the “shoulds”
But then I look down at this necklace to remind myself….
This is MY motherhood.
“I had no idea it would be this much, and that I could handle it, and how beautiful it would be”
Perceived imperfections and all…this is MY motherhood and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
*Necklace and quote by Tender Metal Custom Jewelry