In Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

These are the words from a mother who has experienced the profound impact of infant loss. Lori’s story is the final story to be shared in honour of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. I want to thank each mother who boldly and courageously shared their stories. It is not easy…but we are NOT ALONE.

Lori’s Story:

What if the journey to the rainbow ends in a giant storm instead?

We waded through three years of trying to conceive before we were gifted our precious Eva. After the first year of trying we lost a child to miscarriage, which was earth shattering. It taught my husband and I how to support and respect each other’s own style of healing. It taught our son that with life comes death, no matter how unfair that seems, and all we can do is continue to live and love. The biggest lessons it taught me was how little control I have and sometimes the only thing you can do is accept and surrender to what is.

That’s the space I had moved into in my mind by the time I became pregnant with Eva in 2017. I am such a hopeful person; I just knew that she would be the rainbow after that long, hard journey. But at 28 weeks she was diagnosed with a life-limiting chromosomal abnormality. I carried my daughter for two months knowing she would eventually die. Yet she was still moving and growing inside me. It was a nightmare we couldn’t wake up from. But birthing Eva into the world ended up being a highlight of my life. In fact, Eva means “life,” and she was full of it, even with her complications.

She thrived for 22 days, and had a significant impact on everyone around us. Her life wasn’t meant to last long, but the life she did have filled us up as we stared into her soulful eyes. My daughter is such a blessing, she has taught me that we live on just in a different way. We still have a connection that provides me with deep comfort. Eva is definitely one of my greatest teachers.

Due to genetics, we aren’t certain if our son will ever having a living sibling. This is a whole other journey that requires deep work. The lessons I keep coming back to time and again—acceptance and surrender—come with a new lesson now, trust. I’m learning to trust life will take us where we need to be. Mindfulness through yoga and meditation has been a huge part of my journey towards healing. I’m learning joy and pain can live side by side. There is almost a peacefulness in the pain, when all is stripped away and you can see the true beauty of life and what really matters—that’s a gift that’s only afforded a few.

And I will be forever grateful to my twinkle star, Eva, for providing me with life changing insight.

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