{"id":4936,"date":"2023-02-14T14:16:45","date_gmt":"2023-02-14T21:16:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pregnancylosshealing.com\/?p=4936"},"modified":"2023-03-21T14:31:53","modified_gmt":"2023-03-21T20:31:53","slug":"when-someone-dies-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-death","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pregnancylosshealing.com\/blog\/when-someone-dies-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-death\/","title":{"rendered":"When Someone Dies – How to Talk to Your Kids About Death"},"content":{"rendered":"

Our family is no stranger to grief. In the past 5 years we\u2019ve experienced 7 miscarriages (most within the second trimester), the death of my grandmother, and the sudden death of my husband\u2019s stepfather. My son still cries out for his Papa and will often make comments about wanting to die so he can see him.<\/p>\n

I need you to know, my 7 year old son is not suicidal. He is processing his grief. We have chosen not to shield our children from the reality of death, but rather normalize talk around death and dying.<\/p>\n

Death happens. Children are aware of that. So rather than changing the subject when it comes up, we use it as an opportunity to provide a safe space for our children to navigate grief and to teach them that it\u2019s okay to talk about death.<\/p>\n

So how do we navigate the death of a loved one with our kids?<\/p>\n

Use Plain Language<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t sugarcoat death language. Don\u2019t use terms like \u201cthey passed away,\u201d \u201cthey are in a better place,\u201d \u201cwe lost the baby,\u201d or \u201cthey went on a long journey.\u201d These terms can be scary or confusing for children and it does not help them understand the permanence of death. Our loved ones don\u2019t pass, get lost, or take a really long vacation to a better place.<\/p>\n

Use concrete, straightforward words even if it sounds somewhat harsh. Using terms like \u201cdied\u201d or \u201cdying\u201d are more helpful in processing grief than using ambiguous terms. Be clear about what happened: they died, their heart stopped beating, their body stopped working.<\/p>\n

We tell our children that our babies died in mommy\u2019s tummy; their hearts stopped beating, and we aren\u2019t sure why. We told them that their Papa died because his heart also stopped beating; and their great grandma died because her body stopped working and she could no longer breathe.<\/p>\n

Take it Slow<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need to unpack everything all at once with your children, and each child is different. It takes time for them to process this new information and to understand that the person who died is not coming back. Often children won\u2019t show any reaction when you first tell them, and will begin to ask questions later on. Answer their questions as they come up, don\u2019t force the conversations.<\/p>\n

When we first told our son our babies died he didn\u2019t seem to care. But as time goes on he asks questions about what their names were, how many babies died, what it would be like if they were still here. He asks about his Papa and why his heart stopped beating. He expresses he\u2019s afraid mommy and daddy will die from a heart attack too. We address these questions and conversations as they come up, and we aren\u2019t afraid to answer with \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Name and Show Emotions<\/strong><\/p>\n

Encourage your kids to share what they are thinking or feeling. Name your own emotions. Tell your kids you feel sad because your loved one died. Tell them you feel angry you didn\u2019t get to spend more time with them. Don\u2019t hide your grief from them. Being open and honest about your own emotions shows your children that it\u2019s okay to feel this way.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve cried in front of my children when I\u2019m really sad. They will ask why mommy is crying, and I\u2019ll say \u201cI\u2019m sad because our babies died.\u201d When my son cries for his Papa I\u2019ll ask him \u201care you sad because Papa died? It\u2019s okay to be sad. It\u2019s okay to cry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Give Space for the Grief Journey<\/strong><\/p>\n

Grief is more of a journey rather than stages we move through to a resolved state of acceptance. It\u2019s the same for children. Grief will ebb and flow with life, they will experience a wide range of emotions just like we do as adults, and they will experience grief in new ways as they transition through developmental stages. Give them space to feel all the feels whenever they come up.<\/p>\n

My father-in-law passed away almost 2 years ago. Our son still cries seemingly out of the blue for his Papa. I\u2019ll ask him what it was that reminded him of his Papa and he will mention a memory that came up, or a dream he had, or how he saw someone else interacting with their Papa. I let him cry it out, I name the emotions, and I hold him.<\/p>\n

Every child will process grief differently. No matter how your child copes or expresses their feelings, they need empathy, sensitivity and a safe space to process. Listen to your child. Observe your child. This will help you learn how to appropriately respond to your child\u2019s specific needs.<\/p>\n

For further resources:<\/p>\n

Sesame Street\u2019s Grief Toolkit<\/a><\/p>\n

National Child Traumatic Stress Network<\/a><\/p>\n

Pinterest: Children\u2019s Grief Books List<\/a><\/p>\n

Book: How do we tell the children? A Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children and Teens Cope when Someone Dies.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Our family is no stranger to grief. In the past 5 years we\u2019ve experienced 7 miscarriages (most within the second trimester), the death of my grandmother, and the sudden death of my husband\u2019s stepfather. My son still cries out for his Papa and will often make comments about wanting to die so he can see […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":4976,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_price":"","_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_header":"","_tribe_default_ticket_provider":"","_tribe_ticket_capacity":"0","_ticket_start_date":"","_ticket_end_date":"","_tribe_ticket_show_description":"","_tribe_ticket_show_not_going":false,"_tribe_ticket_use_global_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_global_stock_level":"","_global_stock_mode":"","_global_stock_cap":"","_tribe_rsvp_for_event":"","_tribe_ticket_going_count":"","_tribe_ticket_not_going_count":"","_tribe_tickets_list":"[]","_tribe_ticket_has_attendee_info_fields":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Someone Dies - How to Talk to Your Kids About Death - Pregnancy Loss Healing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/pregnancylosshealing.com\/blog\/when-someone-dies-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-death\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When Someone Dies - How to Talk to Your Kids About Death - Pregnancy Loss Healing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our family is no stranger to grief. 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